I felt lonely, I had to talk to someone, so I found someone to talk to. When I had someone to talk with me, I wanted to be silence and alone, then we said goodbye and I became alone again. Almost immediately I feel extreme loneliness again, so I called someone to talk to, after a few words, I regreted and wanted to be alone and silent again so I said goodbye. Then I felt lonely. For the whole day I feel this way. Fustrated. I’m sick of myself, I want to fine a dark hole and hide but I can’t hide from myself, but then I’ll be lonely and scared. What’s happening? Please tell me I’m not insane.



“Everyday is a good day, but same days happens to be better. Everyday you have a choice, a choice to be happy or not.” Thanks for the inspiration. I’ll always live by it.

Think Mother Earth as a living organism.

Every living thing on it plays a part, like it’s cells, each of them exist only in a part-per-million period of time comparing to it’s whole lifetime. The food chain life cycles is the life cycle of it’s own cells renewal. It evolvolution is the aging process of all living organism. Volcano eruptions, earthquakes and magma movement is the fluids and life that pulsates in her. Weather are her moods, winds soar with her excitement, thunder and lightning roars with her anger, snow storms sweeps though with sadness. Trees gave her life. She lived in that way for billions of years.

Then, evolution bring her a disease. A race of cancerous life-form that evolved out of control, they multiply incontrollably, they create immunity, they eats up other organism in huge numbers, they suck the nutrients out of the mother in great amount, the produce un-natural wastes and toxic that started to harm and form threat to other cells in mother earth. They even started to change the surface of the mother, they burn and cut trees that gave life and cover her with a surface of un-natural hard grey substance. They started to thrive in the grey substance and it expanded and expanded and multiplied and multiplied. Despite of her immune system’s attempt to destroy the virus with earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunami and volcanic eruptions, the virus still survived. They get more resistant through time.

Soon, the food and nutrients in the host was drying. The toxic and wastes started to poison themselves. Some started to repend, some looked for other hosts and some tried to persuade the rest to turn things around yet the future are still at stalk. Will the virus still remain a virus in the end? or will the host soon be too weak for them to live in?

What that took billions of years to create, will it take just thousands of years to destroy? In whose hands does the future lies?

Fish is to sea
water is to cup
clouds is to sky
eyeball is to eye-socket
shit is to toilet bowl
Me is to bed

spot the similiarities


I have fetishes unknown to others. For instance, no one knew how much I love the shadow of a tree, the beautiful twists of the branches and the leaved powdered at the tips, casted against the background of a dimly lit sky- the darkening evening sky and the lit dark red sky. It always give me pleasurable mystical peace in my mind.

I talk to myself when I’m troubled and restless, especially I have something like a mirror of shiny surface to show my reflection, I’ll talk/complain to my reflection. Then I’ll make the reflection answer/console myself. I talk to stuffed-toys and my cuddly hand-puppets too.

I also like to talk to animals, the way I talk to other human, only that I can be completely honest with animals. They won’t blabber, my pet chinchilla knows everything. I’s a common thing to pass by a friendly neighbourhood cat and if I’m in the mood, I would stop and chatter a bit. I will talk and she will meow. Most of my neighbourhood cats are female. Sometime I will turn to see an elderly who is idling at the nearby benches watching me from afar, in those cases, I will get out of sight as quick as possible.

I talk to lizards too.

Normally after cooking, my mum will soak the rice cooker overnight to soften the rice that are stuck to the bottom of the pot before washing it out the next day. Being a passive worrier, she was worried that the lizards and cocroaches may fall in and get themselves stuck, so she will use something, may it be a tray or a pot-lid, to cover the pot before the lights goes out.

A few days ago it happened that we woke up looking at a baby lizard staring up at us in fear, stucked between the little gap in the tray neck-down. We took up the tray and saw what happened, appearantly it managed to squeeze itself in and had a buffet. But when it tried to exit, it found that the tummy is too bloated to get out, and it’s not accustomed to move backwards, so it seems to be stuck.

We took out the tray, lined the floor with newspaper and tried to guide the poor little fella to freedom. It was terrified. I tried to push it sideways, to see what’s wrong, and threatened it to move back with a thinly rolled newspaper (not for poking the lizard, I used the sides to touch it gently), the whole while scolding “stupid little lizard, why didn’t your mom teach you how to look for food? Where’s the mother? greedy pig, eat so much! see, cannot get out now, so embarrassing..” and so on… And finally, it managed pull the head through and fell to the floor with a splat. It stood for a while before scurrying across the ground into hiding. I could see that some skin was scraped off across it’s back. Boy, must be so painful getting stuck there with that wound, must have hurt itself while struggling to get out, there was some bruise at the tummy too. Gosh. what if it get infections? I told mum we should have applied some antiseptic cream for it before letting it go.

When I reached home from work that day I asked my mum “how was the baby lizard, did it come back to find you?”
She looked at me in a funny way..


Today I went around to look for a loose powder for face, I had recently became more picky as I tend to go for organic products. Like I will research on it through the web for the ingredients and products before I really go look at the real thing, I’m a born stalker, I do that on people too so be careful.

My tummy was growling as I was walking to wherever I was heading so I decided to Ta-bao a Mushroom and Cheese Egg Crepe (If that’s how you call it in english) from Shi-Lin Taiwanese snack. So I ordered and paid the money, got the reciept and waited for them to prepare the food. As normal, I started drifting to my lala-land after a while. Suddenly I got jerked back to Earth when the cashier start calling out my order and kept motioning to me, I (still partially day-dreaming) collected my take-away and walked off.

It was a dozen steps away when I felt the heat from the food burnt my hands that I noticed that I wasn’t given a carrier. I realized I was walking around holding the box of crepe and a pair of disposable chopsticks. Not wanting dump my pride and to go back to the shop to ask for a carrier nor holding a box of food as I shop (That place is a Hippy fashionista shopping area, I have to look cool too. In my opinion, walking around with a box of food is not cool.), I decided to eat up the crepe, so I looked around for seats, no seats. Having no other choice I walked around stuffing crepe in to my mouth (hoping not to run into anyone I know) as passerbys stared at me as I do it. I guess not many people do shopping while eating from a box with a chopstick…

Day dreaming is bad for health. and reputation. Well.


I don’t really cook although I self-confess that I can be quite good at cooking if I am to do it, I’m creative in flavouring and I enjoy watching the content in the pan/pot sizzle to yumminess. (You! stop laughing!) However I don’t cook because of the thought of having to organise the meal and the hassle.

I love the idea of home cooked food, as simple as possible, so a few days ago I bought some Soba buck wheat noodles, Soba sauce and dried packets of chopped green onions (See, I’m lazy to wash and cut from fresh green onions, japanese invents the best instant dried foods) as buckwheat is supposed to be nutritious and the whole idea of cold soba noodle with dipping sauce seems ultimately harmless to a vegetarian, I had soba before and loved it.

The next morning I cooked some soba for breakfast. I iced the noodles, poured out some sauce and threw in the lovey cute mini pack of green onions. Like the usual way I dipped some noodle into the caramelised sauce and slurped in up. My recently rabbitified tast buds detected something strange and meaty, seafoody. I looked at the sauce ingredient list, nothing said shrimp or fish or crab, only certain japanese words that I didn’t understand.

30mins later, I google on several of the previously unidentified japanese words, I found an ingredient Bonito Extract is actually from a fish. Bonito sounds like some seeds or legumes to me. Damn it.

So now I’m on a look out for a veg substitute.